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26 December 2006 @ 01:06 am
merry christmas.
im so grateful to have my family and friends in my life.
im so blessed, thank you all for everything~

why the hell am i SO blind?
like honestly.
looking back at a number of different things.
im just so blind in the moment.
so so blind.
and oblivious.
and i hurt so many people in the long run.
so so many people.
that deserve nothing like this.
and then after the fact.
it like all becomes clear.
after the fact.
open your eyes kristin, or else you'll lose more than you thought possible.

although i have tears streaming down my face,
im just thinking how grateful and lucky i am.
and how i want everyone to know how much i care about them.
im like a sap-rag.
haha what
i dont know.
whats wrong with me
06 December 2006 @ 04:59 pm


Is your hair up?: its down besides that "fohawk" as kimmi would say on the top of my head haha
Is your phone right beside you?: mhmm =)
Do you have a bf/ gf?: as of now, im a fish in the sea
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: somewhere warmer for right now. maybe back on the beaches of the ocean in nc
Do you have plans for tonight? working woo.. and typing a paper.. and passing the hell out.
Are you wearing makeup?: yep
Are you wearing chapstick?: no im in desperate need of some though
Are you cold?: when am i not cold..
Are you tired?: yeah a bit. i need a nap
Are you excited?: for a few things =)
Are you watching t.v.?: last time i watched tv was like august 2003. haha
Are you wearing pajamas?: haha no my jeans without my pockets that look like im wearing spandex. woo
Who's the last person you IMed?: mishka
Who's the last person that called you? hari


Anything you regret? cant have regrets. we all make mistakes. we cant get over them if we try to forget them. learn from them and move on.
Ever lied?: i try not to
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: ew. no
Ever spit at someone? yessss.hahah favorite time.. haucked (is that how you spell it?) a loogie at anderson bc he pissed me off.. that was the talk of the week haha
Ever kick something living?: gracie.haha just kidding no i dont harm things.
Ever had your nails done?: yeah it feels good. first pedicure this past summer woo
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: recently. yes. its happened.



Had any plans last week?: yeahh.. btw i cant remember what i did yesterday let alone last week
Who did you see most last week?: hmmm.. probably my mom. haha
Was last week interesting? being upset, no. snow day. yes.


Have you cussed?: i said shitttt because some guy almost hit me
Have you yelled at someone? aka the person that almost hit me
Have you gotten mad at someone? yeah when i was working
Have you cried? nope, and hopefully wont =)
Have you called more than 3 people?: yeah
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: yeah
Have you eaten anything gross? the gross mint zach gave me with jelly inside haha


Q. First thing you did this morning?: felt like i wanted to throw up.. it was awful =(

Q. Last thing you ate?: some cheez-its + iced tea =)

Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks? being happy and spending time with people especially around christmas

Q. What's annoying you right now? i wish i didnt have to work bc id rather sleep all day.

Q. What's the last movie you saw? random lifetime movies on the snow day woo

Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: yes.. if two people are willing to do all they can to make it work

Q Where is the last place you went?: good ol cg.

Q: Who is the last person you called?: cyndi lou to find out what time im working at

Q: Been cheated on?: unfortunately. yes.

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? theres always someone thinking about everyone.

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): Love for sure

Q: Do you wish on stars?: yes, along with 11:11.. and blowing out candles-- we did that in geoscience today :)

Q: Does it work?: in my dreams it does

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them of: YES you all are supposed to. it ruins the shoes if you dont.

Q: When did you last cry? like two days ago

Q: Do you like your handwriting? yeah sure why not haha

Q: Are you a friendly person? yeah.. i think i am

Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world? my own secret. theres a lot of those

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night? some hotel in chicago..what the hell haha no my own bed.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing? orangeee/peachy. with yellow and black and my white jean jacket

Q: Do you have any pets? gracie - and i still count ginger too

Q: What is the color of your bedsheets? offwhite.

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night? 9... talking to the loyola coach woo

Q: last person you talked to : hari though he thought i had some love infatuation with the augie coach so he hung up. haha

Q: When is the last time you saw your mom? this morningg

Q: Look to your left: to the windowwwwwwwww to the wall..to the left to the left.. haha lots of songs just popped into my head

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep? too many times to count

Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder? many times, and i cant thank them enough for being there for me

Q: Song that makes you cry? more like what songs dont make me cry? haha

Q: Are you a normally happy person? most of the time, yes. sometimes i get in stages where i'm not quite the happppiest person in the world..

Q: Is your self-esteem low? not really

Q: What color are your eyes? bblueeee

Q: Long or Short Hair : medium length..its growwwing

Q: Current Music? counting crows style.

"happiness is spending time with those people that mean so much to you"
or something like that haha =)
Last Cigarette: neverrrrr, ew.
Last Alcoholic Drink: pucker ... up. how cute. ohh jay
Last Car Ride: home from nhs induction..woo
Last Kiss: gracie a few minutes ago ;)
Last Good Cry: how about every day for the last week? .. i cant say they were good though, i guess the fact that some people actually made a difference to make me feel better.
Last Library Book: canttt remember the last time i went to the library to tell you the truth
Last book bought: the 5 people you meet in heaven =) .. on the way to NC
Last Book Read: Man's Search for meaning, depressing yet inspiring at the same time.. weird huh
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: borat.. oh dear haha
Last Movie Rented: The Lake House..DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE ITS A WASTE OF 90 MINUTES!!! <<<< id have to agree with lauren on this one haha
Last Cuss Word Uttered: f*cking asshole =)
Last Beverage Drank: iced teaaaaaa even though its chilly and i should be making hot tea
Last Food Consumed: food is overrated. i dont have an appetite anymore. buttt i had some garlic bread a few hrs ago
Last Crush: crushes break your heart, dont have them.
Last Phone Call: illinois wesleyan coach.. gah hes a babe. =) haha
Last TV Show Watched: mind you i dont watch tv..at all.
Last Time Showered: 6:15 in the am
Last Shoes Worn: my lovely boot for my toe andddd my shoes that ms kilgallon is obsessed with haha
Last CD Played: elliot morris. in my car. and my ipod with all the best songs.
Last Item Bought: starbucks chai tea today with kimmothy. it wasnt as good as i expected. boo on starbucks
Last Download: all the lovely ringtones i got thanks to hari
Last Annoyance: haha um cant say. its been a lot of things.
Last Disappointment: the insensitivity of people
Last Soda Drank: cherry cokeee! (and rootbeer are the only "pops" i drink)
Last Thing Written: precalc homework. and this lovely thing
Last Key Used: door key even though my mom finally got me one of those clicker things yay
Last Words Spoken: i love you- to my momma
Last Sleep: 5pm .. my lovely nap time
Last Ice Cream Eaten: shouldve been mint chocolate chip shake at baskin robbins last night but i didnt go. and amanda and i made really crappy chocolate brownie shakes today.
Last Chair Sat In: *couch. considering im laying on the floor typing this
Last Webpage Visited: myspace!! wooo haha kidding. um livejournal. and my mail. and this damn ipod help page haha.

have a goodnight.
its going to snow.
and were putting up christmas stuff this weekend.
i cant wait for it to feel like christmas season.
and screw everything right now.
ive come to realize the people that are there for me
and i couldnt be more grateful.
thank you.

anywho this iced tea is really amazing, so im going to enjoy it, do some more matrices, and then sociology study guide and im passing the hell out.
yay for thursday.
yay for catching up with kimmothy.
boo for wearing a boot and your sock getting wet in the rain.
boo for starting gym tomorrow..
but im back to lifting and my beastly biceps will do some harm.
yay for smiling more than once today.
yay for gracie taking a nap with me.
yay for still being able to be half naked in front of kimmi haha
yay for buttwarmers.
boo for still having to do stuff and im writing in this damn thing.
oh yes.
and yay for the convention this weekend.
and hanging out with some tools who i havent seen in forever.
including getting a damn jamoca shake.
we'll see how that tastes.

im gonna stop writing.
oh yes my new medicine is colored psychadelic-ly. (misspelled..i know)
magenta && turqoise.
and my other medicine makes me feel like im floating.
haha i sound like im on drugs.
oh wait
i am
or on too much sugar.
i think i have low blood sugar though
ive been shaking all day.
have a goodnight
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Anna Begins - Counting Crows
26 November 2006 @ 02:57 am
ive been blind to so much.
and for some reason its making me feel so much better realizing it.
i love my friends.
i love the people that deep down would do anything for me when they know i would need it the most.
thank you for that.


25 November 2006 @ 02:20 am
Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long I think that its time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
So let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
And I've got some friends some that I hardly know
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
until you hold my hand

swing life away
swing life away
swing life away
swing life away

...found all my old cds tonight. this songs been replaying for a while
24 November 2006 @ 08:44 pm
ive lost myself

i never realized how emotional breakdowns occur so easily,
I definitely havent written in here in just about forever and a day.
It amazes me to look back and see how much time I spent writing about every detail throughout the day and all of the random emotions I had felt.

It seems like time is going by way too fast.
The idea that I'm in the middle of my senior year in high school. Whatever happened to all those years. It's weird to think how some things can seem like they were yesterday while others seem like so much has happened since.

I would have never guessed I'd be here today.
Especially coming into high school, I would have never guessed any of this would happen.

and now I'm heading to college within a year.
it still amazes me how much potential we all have to choose the school we want to attend and the education we want to receive (without depending on costs, tuition, fees, etc).

After applying to so many schools, my choices really havent wound down much at all. I've gotten acceptance letters to all but Augie and U of I.. out of the 12 schools I've applied to. Today a coach from Carthage came to talk to Amy and I about running for their school. Every person I've talked to seems to think so highly of their school and obviously they would but it makes it hard because we all are so different. Who's to say some things at one school will be perfect for me while others wont. I still am unsure if I want to go big, or small. or even run. Like it's scaring me to be quite honest because I feel kind of lost as to where I'm heading. I have a lot of potential of amazing prestigious schools to attend to but its a matter of picking the best one for me. Running is definitely something that will ALWAYS stay with me but I'm contemplating if I acutally want to continue the career of racing with a team, though I most likely would want to. If not I'd be doing road races and a marathon within the next few years. Above all, I want to visit these colleges to see which ones I have the best feel for but then its also a matter of finding time to go and visit. Most of the schools are at least an hour + away... and my schedule just doesnt have time for that. The fact that I havent even hung out with some people is so long and though running is over I still dont have much of a social life since I'm busy with so many things. It's like I'm supposed to spend an overnight at Lacrosse, another overnight at Augie *the coach is the worst person to have a conversation with over the phone haha he makes it awkward*, an overnight at Wesleyan *hottt coach =)*haha and still have to visit at least a couple more schools.. and they all want me to do it before christmas. woof.

either way. im leading towards a few schools.. but my possibilities are endless.

and i feel like strep is coming on. my throats all of a sudden begun to hurt beyond belief.
screw krystal.. she was getting sick too.

im procrastinating and not typing the rest of my paper.
haha cyndi told me yesterday that she cant see me procrastinating.
little does she know =)
anddddddd she told me i always smell really good even if im gross from running, weird..? yeah.
anddddddd im sad that everyone is leaving me at work so i'll have to venture out and meet the new folk.
anddddddd im going to lake geneva this weekend with my mom jim lauren?? johnathan jacqui and jilli to spend time together for johnathans birthday and we're staying at some lodge place overnight so that should be fun.
i need a break from a lot of things.
so much on my mind.
music is like a huge part of my memory.
and smell.

im probably going to finish my paper now.
and i might start writing in here more, who knows.. probably not because i dont have time to do anything.

anddddddddddddddddd ive been like
all day long.
naps are a necessity now.

ps i have no idea what exanimate means.
but i can be that for tonight

Current Mood: exanimateexanimate
Current Music: OneRepublic---Apologize
16 October 2006 @ 10:00 pm
Runners Knee >>>>> IT Band syndrome >>> more back pain

"Ober determined that a contracture (severe tightness) of the IT Band and surrounding muscles was often the cause of low back pain, because it altered pelvic levels, and placed increased stress on the sciatic nerve."


all I want is to be healthy enough to run to my fullest potential, is that too much to ask?
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
09 October 2006 @ 10:23 pm
college = stressing me out.
applying to:
-UW Lacrosse
-Illinois Wesleyan
-Iowa .. for kicks haha
-U of I
-Illinios State

and whatever other ones come to mind.
no me gusta all this writing and personal statements ick.
all i know is college is definitely going to a life changing experience.. to say the least.
30 September 2006 @ 11:03 pm
i had an amazing weekend from yesterday until today.
ill update about that because i was smiling.
and im so proud of myself and the girls and guys.
i was so so so happy.
for so many reasons.
but right now i just wish i could get rid of any upset or sad emotion inside of me.
im like honestly falling apart in so many ways.
i just realized i havent eaten since 230pm and its 11.
and i tried eating some hawaiian bread and i couldnt even swallow it.
my stomach is in my throat.
and my eye juice is all down my face.
i think i just need sleep.
this is what happens when i dont get sleep.
cranky. tired. exhausted. in pain. emotional.
not to mention my schedule for tomorrow:

6-7am run mileage.
7-730am shower/get ready
730-12pm? heart walk.
12-1pm attempt the 2 math assignments due monday
1-4 work at dick ponds
4-530pm homework/nap if i can fit it in
530-asap. eat pasta at the pasta party
whenever i get home - whenver i go to sleep - 8 pg paper, math assignments, journal entry for sociology, college apps/etc, cleaning, laundry
in bed by ???
and get enough sleep for the home meet which is on tuesday and im not even sure im running.

im going to sleep now, have a goodnight, hope everyone else is smiling.
coldplay-fix you.
song of the night.day.weekend.

nothing last forever.
hold on to being happy.
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: ColdPlay * Fix you.